Monday, October 19, 2009

Is Your Husband Being Left In The Dust?

The danger of blogging, or for ministering to ladies in any capacity, is that we find more joy in it, than in our husbands.

Do you find yourself giving all your time, energy, words of affirmation and encouragement to others; leaving your husband in the dust?

If you don't, then great! That is awesome; but if you have to think, even for a second, well, maybe I do; sometimes, perhaps? Then please heed the warning in this post.

As you gazed into your soon to be husband's eyes, in front of God and all those people, you repeated those words of love and devotion;

"in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad..."

I don't remember the following stipulation: "as long as blogging, ladies retreats, facebook, twittering, going out with my friend for coffee, you fill in the blank ________" got in the way. Do you?

In a technology-driven age, could it possibly, just maybe, be used as a device of the evil one, to tear marriages apart?

Now Traci, aren't you going a little overboard? I say no, for this reason:

because, I've seen it in my husband's eyes; and the Lord is speaking to me about this.

When I choose to sit on the computer, writing that all important post, email, facebook message, over spending time with him; his spirit is crushed.

The bible says that the devil roars about like a lion, seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8); but he is subtle, oh so subtle; he has been known to appear as an angel of light! (2 Cor. 11:14)

Be careful, my dear friends
, that we do not let our "ministry to other women" (which is oh so very important) leave our dear husbands in the dust.

Everything should be done decently and in order; remembering what our priority is, even above ministering to other women.

It is respecting our Husbands! How do we show them respect?

Let us remember, what they NEED from us:

:: Our affirmation
:: Our honor
:: Our devotion
:: Our attention
:: Our cheering
:: Our compliments (physically, mentally, financially, spiritually, relationally)
:: Our need for their help (for they love to solve and fix things)
:: Our admiration
:: Our time
:: Our attention
:: Our BEST!

I know what you are thinking.... I'm not super-women! By the end of the day I have given all my attention/affection/time away to kids, house work, blogging, you name it!

How could I possibly do all those things, AND, by the way, you don't know my husband!

2 Things:

#1) God does not call us to be super-women, but super-dependent upon Him. (Phil. 4:13)
#2) You chose (most likely) to marry Him, so do your very best each day, to show respect and honor to him.

This may mean turning down a great opportunity to go out with a lady, read another "best-seller", write that "all important post", send that vital email, going on that ladies retreat, or twittering your LIFE!"

Your life is right in front of you; he is waiting for your attention.

HE is vitally important. All the other stuff can wait.

Have you been leaving him in the dust laity? I have been guilty of it, I know I have.

If so, brush off the dirt. It may mean turning off the TV, the computer, the phone; and spending time with your hubby.

Ephesians25:22: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Ephesians 33b: and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Your thoughts? Let's discuss this together...

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  1. Im feeling convicted! Great post like always. Im going to share this on my blog soon. Well, the link for people to come here and read it of course.

  2. LOVE this!! I work hard to make that not true ... we both do. We have an agreement that we can only be our computers at the same time at night. :) When one is done, the other finishes quickly! Thankfully, he is so supportive of my ministry and what I feel God is calling me to do ... but he is also the first one to remind me that completing my manuscript and researching/prepping for speaking events don't happen quickly when I'm chatting on twitter. He's a wonderful encourager ... and a great source of accountability. I'm so thankful for him!!

  3. Exactly why I do my blog posts at 5am in the morning, while my sweetheart is still snoring away!

    Very true of other committments as well-- mu hubby and I actually serve together for the most part; but I do seek his counsel first before I say yes to anything, including retreats, one-on-one mentoring, coffee dates, etc. He is SO good at keeping me within a reasonable schedule that allowd me to minister, but does not impact a lot of my family time.

    Great post!

  4. You are so right! Such a needed reminder. This is my first visit to your and I'm so glad I stopped by. Excellent post.

  5. I will pray for balance, or a cape, for you, Traci. Thank you for being candid about something that a lot of women struggle with, openly, or not.

    I am still a newlywed (3 years), so I still feel lucky every time he walks in the door. In fact, I would not be blogging if it were not for him. I try to make sure that my writing does not interfere with "us time", simply because of the sad face that you talked about. I couldn't bear to see it.

  6. Traci thats so true! I was just thinking on tis today! Thanks for the post!

  7. Holy wow! This is me, or should I say us? My husband has asked me not to blog or really even get on the computer when he's off work. (He works 3 or 4 days a week.) I try to do it. (He's helping set the table right now, even as I type this. :O) Thanks for the post and reminder!

  8. Thank you for the reminder. It is so easy to get caught up in all the little things and forget to spend time on the big things.
    Our men are not likely to tell us that they are feeling neglected either.
    I know I am guilty of this on occasion. I try to watch it carefully, but sometimes the enemy sneaks in and pulls my thoughts in another direction.

    Thanks for the reminder.

  9. So so true. We just had a similar conversation, because I am so tired & worn with him working such long hours I am doing everything myself. I feel as though most days I have nothing left to give because it is me doing it all...It was good that we communicated our feelings, this post is so timely.

  10. Great post! I know in the past I felt like I was neglecting God, my husband and my children by spending too much time on the computer. My blog tends to be more about my family so it takes less time, but I got consumed reading too many blogs. I try to limit this now and don't even go on the computer until I've spent my time with God. I hope you are able to find your right balance also.

  11. I'm not sure how I stumbled upon your blog, but this was a fabulous post! Thanks for the reminder!

  12. Love this post! Thank you for the reminder. Not just my husband but my heavenly Father as well...


  13. God has REALLY been showing this to me lately....only I often find myself leaving God in the dust too. Thankfully (with lots of help from above) I'm seeing myself become less obsessed. Even the most Godly, encouraging, lovely blogs can enslave you.

  14. Thanks for stopping by! I suppose I needed to read this. My hubby doesn't make himself very available to me, but then I do sometimes see resentment when I'm on the computer or reading when he is available. Guess I should take the lead.
    And I like what Pixel Perfect said about not just my hubby...I'm a slow blogger, my computer is slow and so I can't go leave 20 comments in 20 minutes. Have a great Thursday!

  15. I just posted about this on my blog :)

  16. Have you been talking to my husband? I was meant to read this post. Thank you for speaking to me. I hear you loud and clear.

  17. steph1:38 PM

    great post but sometimes its the hubby's that are consumed with that stuff and leave us in the dust!

  18. Hey Steph,

    I know, I agree with you. For those of us who have felt like that "left in the dust", let us never be those women that do it in return. The hurt is much too great. All we can do is obey the Lord in "our role" and pray that He will change our hubby. If it is your husband, just lovingly communicate with him how much you desire to spend some time with him. Tell him why, and that it hurts you when you feel like you are "left in the dust". Praying with you, whoever you are.

    Hugs, Traci

  19. Thanks for this! I have to make it a point to remember that my marriage is my vocation - my *calling* in life - and the best way to love God is to have things ordered rightly (think of all the disorder that is caused by sin) in my household, my thoughts, my feelings, etc. I have noticed that when I start drifting away from my husband my relationship with God suffers too and I feel more distant from Him. Blogging is a great temptation, probably THE biggest one in this area, so thank you very much for this extremely eloquent post!!

  20. This is a super post and I agree 100%! This is the exact reason I quit my homeschool blog and stopped blog reading/commenting like I used to. Family is ALL that matters!

  21. EXCELLENT POST!!!!! Thank you so much for joining in my meme today! I was so blessed by this! :)

  22. This is a fabulous post! Thanks for the reminder!!

  23. What a well said post! I'm so glad that I found your blog today. I look forward to reading more.


  24. What a great reminder. I try to tell myself that my on-line life cannot exist without my real world life. The past few days I have been stuck at home with a major on-line project. I have missed our active life. I totally hear what you are saying!

  25. Oh, as I read this, unfortunately I know right where you are speaking from. At times, I have to catch myself and remind myself of where my priorities are.

    I'm returning the visit and though I've only been here a few moments, I've enjoyed them. Much of your "about me" is about me too.

    What a blessing the blogosphere can be (if used wisely) for women to encourage other women in their callings.

  26. Traci,
    I knew there was something about you, when you dropped by my place. After, reading this post, I know our paths crossed for meaning! I've enjoyed the song "I Am"; thank you for giving wisdom. Looking forward to following you! (In measured time. Karen@Placesofmyheart

  27. This is a subject dear to my heart! and I think the most important thing is to submit to your husband!

    Ok I know some women don't like to hear this work but hear me here for a second.

    Our husbands are our leaders our head but also our protector and they know us better then anyone else, So if blogging, ministering to other women, (all good thing indeed) interfere in any way to our main ministry that is our husband and our family, he can tell us to put him first and we have to humbly submit, because he is right he come first!

    If our ministry interfere with our time with God He will interfere and our husband might too!

    See a pattern here, WE ought to but

    1. God first
    2. Husband second
    3.Family next
    4. ministry etc...

    And that mu dear friend is what will be pleasing to the Lord :-)

    Am I perfect in doing this, nope, I'm still learning, Have my husband ever told me to slow down and put him first, yes, and it was humbling but at the same time a huge blessing!

    Have a blessed day!


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