Friday, February 11, 2011

How To Guard Against Bitterness In Marriage

Are you participating in the Love Dare here at Ordinary Inspirations?  Have you ever done anything like this before... and found yourself becoming bitter when you don't see positive results from your sweet husband?

I remember reading this book, and feeling very boxed in and I found myself getting bitter towards my husband.  I foolishly thought that I could follow a formula and bing bang boom... I'd have the perfect marriage. 

For many of us, we start out with good, pure intentions.  Invest in our marriage.  Check.  But what about when we don't get the results we are dreaming of? 

Some Questions/Guidelines:

1) Are you loving/serving your husband because the Lord has given you the grace and joy to do it?  If not, why are you doing it? 

2) Do you have unrealistic expectations of him?  Does he even know that you are going the extra mile?

3) Are you willing to love sacrificially even if you don't see results on his part (right away or at all)?

4) Don't ever ever ever wish your husband was like "so and so's" husband.  This is a slippery slope that will lead to resentment, negative thinking, and adulterous behavior (even if it is only in your mind).

5) Remember that your husband is not perfect.  He is a work in progress.  (And so are you).  Remember and mull over the qualities that drew you to him in the first place.  Write them down.  Think about them.  Cultivate a garden of praise in your mind with your husband's name on it!

6) Are you trying to change your husband or are you asking the Lord to change you?  Only God can change a heart.  That includes your husband.

7) Remember, you are pleasing the Lord when you honor and respect your husband.  In order to respect your husband, you need to be thinking positive thoughts of him throughout the day.  If we spend our whole day thinking things like "I wish he would do this" or "why can't he notice what I'm doing around here and appreciate it" you will end up disappointed big time! 

8) Treat him like the best friend he should be.  Talk to him pleasantly.  Treat him with tender kindness.  Be there for him no matter what.

Have you been struggling with bitterness towards your husband?  Is it something that you use to struggle with but that God has given you the strength to overcome? 

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Some other posts on marriage:



  1. I have to keep myself in check in my "serve". My husband and I have a great marriage. What makes it that way? BOTH of us knowing that the purpose of it is to honor God. We continue to desire to have a better marriage; first by growing closer to God in personal areas, renewing our minds.
    God can (and will when He's allowed to) help any woman that is willing to grow and change HERSELF.
    One thing a woman should keep in mind is that when she determines to upgrade (make better) herself and her marriage, the enemy WILL attack. That is where all that bitterness comes from. Be on guard and don't shrink back. Satan wants you to throw up your hands and give up. He'll paint your husband in the ugliest light ever and you'll think there's no hope in anything changing. But GOD! Hold on sister!

  2. Oh Traci, you spoke to my heart today. I learned this lesson a bit late in my marriage. 20 years late, but God is great and now I have to guard against letting "old" thoughts, feelings and habits take over. I have always had a tendency to dwell on the negative, its hard, but I'm training myself to focus on the positive instead, because you're right... focusing on the negative, produces negative feelings and resentment builds... boy do I know about that! What Kela said is so true too... when you start trying to improve and enrich your marriage, the devil comes knocking and he'll drag out every dirty trick in the book. If only we could always remember that we have the God-given power to defeat him BEFORE he starts making inroads that leave us like a crying heap of flesh on the floor! Thanks for the great post! God bless you and yours and have a great weekend.

  3. This really helped me. I have been married 6 years and after some really trying times we are trying to get back on track. These are such awesome tips. I really appreciate it.

  4. This is so great- I especially love number 7 and think the discipline of thinking thankful thoughts instead of "I wish" thoughts is so needed to fight against bitterness and to instill happiness instead. Thanks for a so practical and grace filled post :).


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