Tuesday, April 5, 2011

A Lesson In Submitting To Our Husbands

When I think of submission in marriage, according to the bible, I tend to think of BIG, SPIRITUAL matters;  submitting to my husband as the head, allowing Him to lead in the areas of our home.

Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

Epheisians 5:22,24
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
I am truly thankful that I married a man that I can respect and submit to easily (for the most part).
But then there are moments of weakness and stubbornness on my part.  I can be a head-strong first-born and so unwilling to budge on certain matters.
When we had a disagreement about a month ago about whether or not we would find out the sex of our 3rd child, I dug my heels in!  He wanted to keep it a secret and I wanted to find out.  We both weren't budging!  We joked a lot about it, but we both had our minds made up.
I realized that sometimes submission is simply laying down our own will and wishes for what our spouse desires. 

End of story.

It sounds simple... and meaningless... but this was something that was really important to me. 


The thing is, when I made the choice to sacrifice my desire to find out our baby's sex, I immediately had peace about it!  God changed my heart!

Are there things (seemingly small things) in your marriage that you just won't budge on?  Are they life or death?  Are you willing to lay them down for what your spouse desires?


1. Submission isn't just for the big things... it sometimes means just laying down our desires and putting our spouse's wishes first.

2. When we choose to put our spouse first, we glorify God.

3. God will give you peace in your submission and change your heart as you have the right intentions.

4. Ask yourself, is this really life or death if I lay down my will in this matter?



  1. Traci, this is really good. We just assume that we are to submit in those large matters or for having our man as the head of the house. But we are to submit in the little things too. I love how you said it as laying down our own will. GReat post Traci!

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  3. Ok, now I'm sharing our "struggle" and you will laugh I'm sure!

    Submitting to the big things is easy for me, I have no desire to lead, I'm not a natural born leader but a follower (always as been)

    But since being married (I found out really soon after our honeymoon) that our cleaning style is *different*

    I'm the "less is more"

    He's the "let's keep it for in case, or I'll fix it later"

    see I want to get rid of old stain T-Shirt, you know the one with holes in them, but he does not want me to trow them away "I'll use them for rags" then a few week go by and I see him wearing the "rag shirt"

    Now I have to keep my mouth shut, smile and pretend I haven't notice LOL!!!!!

    It's hard for me to keep thing that *I* consider garbage!!! But I have to pray about stained, hole, rag shirt!!!

    now you may laugh!!!!

  4. Thanks for this Traci. I appreciate it.

  5. great post! totally true- and i too am a 'strong willed' first born who can at times try to dig in my heels. but as your said, God can bring about peace when we surrender not just to him, but to our spouses =) and Congrats on your pregnancy! you're due just a week after i am (Aug 19th) and prob. really should be closer since i'm a scheduled c-section. Nice that you already have a girl and a boy so in some ways, more than those of us with one or the same gender, you'll be better prepared and DEF greatly Surprised!!

  6. We're going through a marriage seminar right now called "Marriage on the Rock" We are getting ALOT out of it. We've been married for 15 1/2 yrs. We are BOTH first borns (that right there should tell you ALOT). I understood and agreed with submission for the most part in the beginning of our marriage. But it's one of those things that you keep learning about and growing in, it's deeper than just "submission". We've had hard bumpy times, and really good times. The thing that taught me the most and that I always go to is this, God is my refuge and my STrong Tower. When I felt my husband was unreasonable I went to Him, I prayed "God he's your son you deal with him" The funny thing is He usually dealt with us both. As long as I left it with God and didn't become a nagging wife I was amazed at the changes in my husband and in ME:)
    In the seminar one of the things I heard was "Marriage is death" We have to die to ourselves and lay down our lives for another, if we don't our marriages will fail.

  7. What a great story to share :) thank you! I have had similar moments when I realize how unsubmissive I'm being and once I let go and act selflessly then Gos gives me peace and joy :)

    Thanks for the reminder! As Christian women we need to be more vocal about Biblical submission and how it really is good for us!!

    Jami @Intentionally Living

  8. Thank you for sharing! Its really important to remind eachother of this! Sometimes it is the little things that I can get stubborn about~

  9. Great lesson here, Traci!!! Thanks so much!

  10. Makes perfect sense because Jesus said "he who is fathful over the little things, I will make him ruler over much." God is more concerned about the details (the things we consider minor ) then we realize. Think about the concrete that holds the bricks of a foundation together. Don't you think great care is put into mixing that small detail right?? The whole weight of the entire structure comes to bear on that small detail which has a huge responsibility just as a the foundation of a marriage is built upon all the small details. We bear the load of a family built upon that foundation (marriage). Lets get the samll details right. It all matters to God!

  11. I really do understand what you mean. Sounds like God is teaching you a lot through this experience. You are very right about the little things too...I am blessed to have a husband who sits down with me and talks it through and asks for my input on decisions...but sometimes it is the little things that show the greatest respect though...I will pray for you as you journey through this time...:D And God bless that little, precious life inside you too! :D

    Building Home with HIm,

    Mary Joy

  12. I really enjoyed your post. I think that there are different seasons in a marriage and depending on the season that the couple is in determines the ease of submission for the woman. Ultimately it balls down to trust. Do we trust our spouse with our heart, feelings, or whatever it is that we are needing to submit to him. If we don't find it easy to submit, it isn't only because only because of our stubbornness (although that may have a big part to play in the matter), but it is an issue of trust. I have found that there are some things that are easy to trust my husband with and then there are others that I struggle with. Somethings like you all said are bigger than others, but I just stay prayerful and confident that the Lord will continue to help me be a godly and submissive wife.

  13. Traci,
    Really good post. I have been married for WOW almost 18 years. Submission was a hard lesson for me to learn in the early years of my marriage. When I look back now I laugh because those times when I was not submissive were by no means life or death situations. Thanks for the reminder.


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