Friday, September 16, 2011

What Our Husband Needs More Than Sex

Yes, our husbands need intimacy.  It's probably on their minds more than we realize.  But there is something else they need even more... 

our respect.
our admiration.
our cheering.
our confidant glance.
our honor and reverence.

There has been a lot out there in the media about this.  Books like Love and Respect... showing that what women need is love and what men need is respect.  

Mentally, we can take note of this... and agree.  But what does our body language say?  Does it disagree with what we say we believe?

If we could carry around a mirror, that showed our facial expressions, the shifting of our weight to one hip, hand firmly planted with a heavy sigh, would we be surprised at what we saw?

Our husbands need to know that we back them up 100%.  What areas can we show our respect?

1) Their work.  Engage in conversation about their profession.  Always be the one to tell them they are a hard worker and doing a great job.

2) Their interests.  Whether they are interested in sports, music, or all of the above, try and show a little excitement about what they enjoy.  Maybe even sit down and watch some football with them?  

3) Their passions.  Take note on what they are passionate about.  What really gets your husband fired up and excited about?  Support that... even if it is the dream of a sports car one day, like my husband.

4) Their leading of the home.  Even if they aren't the best spiritual leader, we can still trust them with the leading of our home. We are told to.  Let them lead.

5) Their discipline and teaching of our children.  Support their efforts to be a good dad and encourage them with regard to the way they interact with our children.  Praise them for what they do well.

6) Their relationship with the Lord.  Keep praying for your husband.  Their number one relationship should be with the Lord Jesus.  Don't nag them about having a personal quiet time/prayer time... just keep praying.  Talk about what you are learning and what God is teaching each of you.

7) The home.  I know that I have learned that my husband likes a "picked up" house when he gets home from work.  It doesn't have to be perfect or scrubbed clean, but he does like walking into a home where toys are picked up and put back in their place.  Order.  What does your husband like?  Respect him by trying to keep up with what he likes.  

8) Our finances.  I'm more of a spender than a saver.  I've always been that way.  My husband is a much better "money manager" than me.  I've learned that I need to respect his wishes when it comes to how we spend money as a family.  Come to a healthy agreement on what works best for your household.

9) Our body.  When we get married, our body is no longer our own.  We have become one flesh with our husband.  Sometimes I like to claim that my body is my own.  On days that I've been spit up on, pooped on, clung to by little people... the last thing I want to do or have energy to do is be intimate with my husband.  But this is just another area where we can die to our flesh and respect our husband and his desires.  

With all these things, there is balance.  Marriage flourishes best when there is teamwork, mutual respect, love, and WORK on both the woman AND the man's part.  But we can only do our part... and trust that God will work in our husband's life.

Do you have anything to add?


Eph. 5:22- Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Prov. 31:10-12- An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
Eph. 5:33-However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Gen. 2:18-Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”



  1. Wonderful post - it is very easy to forget the "marriage" relationship and its needs when we are so busy being moms...
    I've Become My Mother

  2. This is great encouragement. We need to show them we respect and appreciate them. Yes they need to be intimate but they need more than that. I have been doing The Husband Project by Kathi Lipp. Doing these little things for him has given me a new outlook. It't not all about me. It's about loving on him. It's about showing him that his feelings do matter to me and that I still love him and care for him. Thank you for this post Tracy!

  3. I don't think we as wives can hear this reminder too much -- {Love & Respect} is a phenomenal book, but you're right! What does all of that knowledge look like in our lives? Needed to hear this nudge to support my man today - Thanks, girl =)

  4. AMEN Traci!! What a perfect post!

  5. AMEN! This is one of those topics that I am very passionate about and that I do my absolute utmost daily to uphold.

    Love & Respect changed our marriage. We read the book & went to the conference and both were SUCH blessings.

  6. Wonderful and needed. I felt a pricking in my heart as I read your words. Thanks this was so needed!

  7. Loved this post. I am always afraid of bringing this up with non-christian friends, but I do it anyway. They might think that I am a slave, but I don't care, it's the secret to a Godly marriage and that's all that matters.

  8. Great reminder! It's so can certainly accomplish more by not saying a nagging word, and letting God work it out for you (whatever "it" is).

  9. Traci, I loved this post! Thank you so much! :)

  10. Excellent post! This is so very true. I read "Love and Respect" a few years ago (before I got married). I've also read "The Five Love Languages," and we've done the assessment (once before we were married, and one more recently). It's so great to know that your loving your husband in ways that he needs and cherishes. But, it's also good to be reminded, so that you can re-evaluate what you're doing. Thanks for the reminder. Blessings.

  11. Great post! Thank you!

  12. Loved this post, Traci! Agree on all of it...thank you :-)


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