Monday, June 18, 2012

How To Reignite The Passion In Your Marriage A.C (After Children)

He's coming to pick me up in 10 minutes.  I check my hair, then my makeup, then my clothes.  I turn around a bit and look over my shoulder at my reflection in the mirror.  T minutes 2 minutes and I do it all over again.  I squirt a dash of perfume into the hair and walk through it.  I can't wipe the goofy grin off my face and I don't want to.  Butterflies dart around in my stomach and they only pick up speed when I hear his car roll into the driveway.

That was nine years ago.  Nine years ago, when I didn't have home to take care of, 3 babes to tend to all day long, and a body recovering from birthing 3 little ones.  Somewhere along those nine years, the excitement of just being in one another's presence can get stifled a bit.  Okay, a lot most days.

How can you reignite the passion in your marriage?

  1. Get yourself a secret diary!  
  2. Remember when you use to journal all those special things you did together?  Maybe you made a scrapbook of your dating years, or kept special clippings from outings you went on together.  Who says you can't do that again when you are married?  
  3. Work on your friendship.  Kindness goes a long way.  Have you ever been around just a plain old nasty person?  Not fun, huh!  Don't be that nasty person to your spouse.  Work on doing things that will cultivate your friendship.
  4. Laugh together.  Don't take life so seriously!  Life with little children has a way of zapping the humor out of life.  What makes your spouse laugh?  Only you know... so go ahead, be silly again!
  5. Sit next to each other on the couch!  Remember the days when you couldn't keep your hands off one another?  Now, you are on separate sides of the family room.  You on your love seat, and your husband on his.  Where's the love in that?
  6. Put away your laptops, ipads, phones, and kindles.  Too much electronics are not good for our children, and they are not good for our marriages.  For more reasons than I can list here, there are dangers to spending too much time online.  Somewhere, our spouse can fall through the cracks and we can find more excitement in what others are doing on facebook than finding out what our spouse did that day.  Unplug, and engage in conversation with one another.
  7. Confess your faults.  Does your marriage need a little more than just passion?  Maybe you need to start from the ground up and confess your faults to one another.  Ask for forgiveness.  Start over.
  8. Work on your outward appearance.  It's okay to think about what you look like, but it shouldn't be the number one focus.  Have you let yourself go in recent years?  Why not be a little more diligent to look your best for your husband when he walks through the door in the evening?  Put on some makeup.  Do you hair.  Take a shower! 
  9. Work on your inward appearance.  All the outward pampering cannot change a thing if we haven't first met with the Lord.  He is the one that makes our countenance glow!  All the creams and dermatological treatments can never fix up a broken and angry spirit.  Give yourself a free makeover:  meet with the Lord today in prayer and open up the Bible.
  10. Make time for intimacy.  Only you and your spouse knows if this area has been left wanting.  Maybe every other day has turned into once a week if your lucky.  Maybe even once a month.  Intimacy is a very important part of a marriage relationship.  If all the other things above need worked on, usually your bedroom does too!  Why not initiate the romance?  It's totally okay to do that in marriage! 
  11. Keep your mind pure.  As women, our minds are a battleground.  We struggle more (most cases) with the battlefield of our minds, and men (usually) with what they look at.  If you let those fantasies, comparison games, and negativity cloud your mind, you will view your husband in an unhealthy manner.
  12. Give your bedroom a makeover.  Is your bedroom the last room to get some tender loving care?  Are there clothes piled high on dressers, walls left bare, and children's toys strewn about to trip over?  Maybe save some extra cash and give your bedroom a face lift?  The nicer it looks, the more cozy it will feel.  Dust off that romantic music and candles to give your room a finishing touch!
  13. Send flirty texts.  Let's face it, there isn't much alone time after you have children.  You have to fight for time.  Lock doors.  Everything is rush rush rush.  Why not save time and build some excitement during the day?
  14. Learn something new together.  Go take a skiing, cooking, or dancing lesson together.  Learning something new together and accomplishing a goal can reignite some passion.  
  15. Teamwork!  There's nothing more attractive than teamwork in marriage.  Help one another out.  Seek to alleviate a burden.  A stress.  How can you help your spouse out today? 
  16. Revamp your finances.  For my husband, when finances are tight, he gets down big time!  How can we, as the wife, help to ease that burden?  Maybe you both need to put away the debit cards, stick to a budget, and say no to some extra frills for awhile.  Seek to honor the Lord and get yourself out of debt.  Work together!
  17. Ask your spouse what their love language is!  Don't know you?  After all these years?  Why not ask?  Ask them what makes them feel most loved.  Most appreciate.  Most respected and cherished.  
  18. Ask your spouse what turns them on.  Have a conversation together after the kids have gone to bed.  Be honest and tell one another.  Now do those things... regularly.   
  19. You don't know what you have till it's gone!  Remember to be thankful for your spouse.  Think about what they do for you and tell them often.  Our elderly next door neighbor is dying of cancer.  He has probably less than 2 months to live.  I see him and his wife outside doing yard work together, soaking up each moment spending time together.  What would I do if I knew my husband was going to die in 2 months?  I'd cherish every moment I had with him... even pulling weeds together!  
  20. Be affectionate in front of your children!  Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwie, mommy and daddy are kissing again!  Let this be said of your marriage, that your children say this often!
  21. Dance together.  After the kids have gone to bed, dance in the kitchen together.  Dance in the living room.  Dance in the ________... be creative!

Share |


  1. Nicely said. I am going to share this with my readers. Thank you for talking about this subject and in such a beautiful and respectful way.


    Mary Joy

  2. Such a great post! Isn't it the truth though!? The days when I only had to worry about myself are long gone! :)

  3. Such a sweet and inspiring post! :)

  4. This is great! xoxo!

  5. I loved this post. We have been married for 45 years and we still work hard to have a good marrige. He is to me the most awesome man on the planet.
    The tips were great!

  6. African girl trying to settling in America love your genuine, sweet, so real, Godly and inspiring..

  7. This is a wonderful piece...some great simple as cleaning out (never redone since we moved in) bedroom....thank you!


Thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate your friendship! If you can't comment, try commenting as anonymous or you can email me at curly2880 at yahoo dot com.