Friday, December 28, 2012

When Parents Become Yellers

I've written posts here before about not yelling... and trust me, I haven't arrived yet.  But things have gotten so much better. 

Hear me out please... raising our voices and letting our frustration seep out of bulging veins on forehead is NOT the answer.  It may make said parent feel better for the moment, but in the end it leaves the house shattered, guilt-ridden and one step behind the goal of peaceful children and peaceful parents.

When our first child was born, all was dreamy.  We kept our cool and never yelled.  We were the perfect parents.... hehum.  When other parents raised their voices to their children, my husband and I would give one another that we'd never speak to our child like THAT, glance.

Then came the second child... and the third.  Things get much more hectic and what was once man to man defense is now zone.  Let's just say that a parent that thinks they are calm can quickly become unraveled over time.  One compromise to raise our voice as parents can quickly turn into another and another and then we become that yelling parent we all despise.  You get the picture.

My husband and I are both first-born, type A human beings.  We like order and structure and control and when we feel out numbered, we crumble under pressure.

But, we are both really really striving to be calm, Spirit-led parents.  Just after a few days of no yelling, no harsh, quick-tempered responses, we find that our kids are less agitated, more swift to obey, and have the right God-honoring attitudes.  

So if you are parents that sometimes yell or it's turned into yelling all the time, consider making changes as the parents.  I mean, if we can't pull it together, how can we expect our children to?


1) Pray about staying calm as the parent.
2) Make a conscious effort to not yell.
3) Each time you make that choice, it will get easier.
4) It eventually becomes a habit not to yell, and instead, stay calm.
5) Give it a week and let me know if you see a difference in your home.

Ephesians 4:29-32
"29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

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  1. Hi Traci, I needed this reminder and this scripture. Interestingly enough the yelling is a teenage issue not a toddler issue. To my shame, I know. I'm talk g this challenge. I'll be sure to comeback and let you know how it goes. THANK YOU to you and your husband for being so wise and openly sharing so that all of our families can grow. Happy New Year!

  2. Anonymous7:02 AM

    I read this post at just the right time. I love how God works like that. Thank you for your words. :-)

  3. Well said, Traci. I like the "man to man vs. zone defense"'s a perfect analogy!

  4. Beautifully said!

  5. Darn it...I am that mom. My husband is not a screamer...but I was raised on it. And though I've gotten better (I hope it's not just because my kids are mostly grown...), I had a blowout during this holiday season that left me embarrassed, ashamed, and regretful. I was totally called on it. And I asked forgiveness and I know I am forgiven. But oh how I'd like not to repeat this EVER AGAIN! God help me. And thanks for the reminder!

  6. Great post! I am guilty of being the mom who yelled. I would get so frustrated and angry. I was left feeling so guilty and full of shame. I have changed my tune and speak to my children as I want to be spoken to. It has made the world of difference in the way they respond to me and each other. I try and remember that Jesus is watching my every move...difficult at times.

    Much love to you!

  7. Great Post! I tend to do this often and I don't like it at all.... I will try those steps for a week and see how it goes.


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